All across America, our young people are rebelling against authority in any way that they can.  Underage drinking, driving like maniacs, and voting for the Green Party are just three heinous examples.  However, the most consistent means of telling “the man,” as they often call authority, is through the use of profanity.

“I’ll admit that it’s something I do,” said Thomas Bagwell, or “T-bag” as his friends call him. “If my parents are being too controlling, I tell them to suck a dick.  If my friends are being retarded, I call them retarded.  Nobody tells me what I can and can’t say.”

Aside from his foul mouth and engaging in the occasional drug exchange, Bagwell is just a normal kid.  He gets an allowance, rides his bike to school, and stays up to date on nude photo leaks like any boy his age.  That makes his loss of innocence all the more tragic.

“I just pick up words from my friends,” Bagwell said. “Sometimes I don’t even know what they mean.  Like earlier today, these fags walked past me and started fake coughing from my cigarette smoke.  So I called them… douchebags.”

Like many other ill-prepared youths, Bagwell was deceived into thinking that word was just another popular piece of profanity.  But when he learned what it actually meant, irreparable damage was done to his already fragile young mind.

“I mean, what the fuck?  Who learns that word and decides its something everyone should use?  It’s disgusting,” Bagwell said.

This travesty has affected thousands of bright young minds already, and shows no signs of stopping.  This unique combination of widespread usage and crippling ignorance of its true connotations is tragic.

Reporters of the Spur have looked up the dictionary definition of the word, but found it too disgusting to print here.  They will be starting therapy next week.