Your first name. Does it accurately define you? Do you like your name? Ever wish it was different?
Most of us spend our entire life tied to a name given to us. We had no say in what it was going to be, yet we are the ones wearing it throughout our lives. In this age of having the ability to choose so much, a name can be a frustrating trait we are burdened with. Since I have been around for more than four decades, the variety of names I have heard is extensive. And the high percentage of people disliking their first names is disquieting.
There are many reasons people state they do not like their names: difficult for others to spell, difficult for others to say, too unorthodox, too vanilla, too long, too short, does not fit their personality, is the same as their dad and his dad and his dad and his dad…the list is long.
So, what is the good in talking about this? We already covered we are stuck with our first name. (Unless you want to pay the legal fees to have your name changed which only a small portion of the population actually carries out.) So what then? Here’s a list of ideas with why and how people’s first names are reclaimable.
1. Remember the people that named you: your name was given to you by significant family members in your life, most likely the ones who gave you life. The name meant something to them. They would never knowingly bestow upon you a name meant to damage.
2. If you have one of those unusual (and allows popping up in spellcheck) names, guess what? Your descendants will thank you. First, your name may have been passed down generation to generation. Be proud. You carry some of your family history with you at all times. Many of us cannot say that about our names. Second, your unique name is a piece of good fortune to your relatives in the future doing genealogy. It is much easier to track a family line when there is a Sylvanus, Hiram, Corintha or Alvalina in the family tree.
3. If you have a plain vanilla name, appreciate it and strive to turn your name into something better. After all, you were one of those kids happy in any souvenir shop on vacation, finding your name on anything and everything: comb, ruler, cup, necklace, license plate… Many of us remember the disappointment of searching and searching and never finding our name on a single item. It gave us mixed feelings of rejection and exclusion. So, lucky you for dodging those experiences. Also, if you have a vanilla name than be the best quality vanilla flavor out there. Brand your name to stand for something setting you apart from the other namesakes (positive characteristics of course).
4. If you know someone with a hard to pronounce or to spell name, be a force to help them. Learn how to say it right, say it right often and others will follow suit. Another point here, if you do not know how to pronounce or spell a person’s name, ask them. Let them know it’s important to you to know how to say and spell their name correctly. A name is a sacred thing to all of us. Even if we do not like the one we were given.
One final reflection on names: my husband and I almost decided not to name our first daughter Elizabeth. We had thought through the nicknames: Eliza, Betsy, Liza, Beth, Betty, Liz….LIZZIE?!. And there it was ‘Lizzie’. I had never known someone called that except for the horrible childhood-rhymed-story of Lizzie Borden (which recently “Lifetime” network chose to produce and promote with Christina Ricci.) Ugg.
When I was in grade school some girls on the playground had the audacity to jump rope to it, “Lizzie Borden took an axe and gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one.” After a little thought, I figured it was a very small nickname danger. I knew we would never call her Lizzie, so the risk of her selecting Lizzie for a nickname later was micro slim.
Guess what? My daughter, now twelve years old, has all her friends and teachers calling her Liz and Lizzie. Of course. But no mental association to Lizzie Borden exists. And she is the best Liz/Lizzie I know. She is unique in her own creative and brilliant ways. She owns her name. And every day as she grows SHE decides what her name will represent.
Oh, yeah, there is one more thing…my first name. It is Angie. It’s not short for Angela, Angelina or even Evangeline. My birth certificate first name is just Angie (I was born in the 60s after all). So, do I like my first name?
Yes. Now I do.