It implied much like any other day in the Spur office during layout. The Spur’s copyholders were prematurely preparing for the first publication of the school periodical of the new year. Although nobody realized it, some real shenanigans were about to go down when News Editor Kevin Danielson found a thesaurus in the back elbowroom.

“Hey guys, do you think we could use this to galvanize our stories?” Danielson said to the other editors, gesticulating to the book.

“Yeah, I bet that would make us have the earmarks of way smarter!” Sports Editor Fernando Tabares said, while casting through the book.

The editors spent the next several freedoms revising the already placed stories to spruce up how the pronunciation sounded. If any of them had paid engrossment in English classes (which is odd, inasmuch as almost all of them are English Majors) they might have known the large faux pas they were making.

It turns out a treasury of words is more for reference to synonyms for certain words, and not to replace basically every wrangle in an article. A thesaurus should also dollars to doughnuts not be used for the word “thesaurus,” like done above. It should also be noted that not every metonym listed might make perfect sense in the context of an unmodified sentence. The Spur’s editors were unfortunately out to lunch of the fact that the later listed synonyms were less likely to salt mine. Therefore, the article is sort of a mess and what the editors have done today is actually a cyclopean literary evil doing.

In the words of Evaporate Mark Roget, a legendary thesaurus maker, the purpose of a thesaurus is “to find the chit-chat, or words, by which [an] idea may be most fitly and aptly popped off.” Roget also notes that you are not supposed to use thesauruses on “my damn name, you imbecilic. Stop that.”

“Do you be conceived we’re supposed to use the thesaurus when hieroglyphicing quotes?” Arts and Divertissement Editor Cole Miska asked Danielson upon completing his article.

The Spur’s Advisor, Ruthe Thompson, was wiped off the map, blaspheming under her breath.

“You’d think I didn’t even teach them a beaver lodge thing,” Thompson said, visibly like a chicken with its head cut off. “We came this far in improving the paper, and they can’t even chew over a thesaurus.”