5: “Friends” (Marshmello & Anne-Marie)

When I heard there was a song that was discussing “The Friendzone” I thought that this song had potential. But considering it’s on the list, you already know it flopped in that regard.

The subject matter is about how sick Anne-Marie is of her friend saying how he loves her, when she sees him as a friend. The only way I could see this justified is if the fact she told him 6,000 times was actually true. Marshmello handles the production on this song and it strengthens my belief that “Happier” is the only good song he’s produced on. There’s mostly no beat throughout, except the ear-piercing R&B whistle at the end. Honestly this song reminds me of a more terrible version of Megan Trainor’s “No,” which is quite the achievement if I do say so.

4: “Never Be the Same” (Camila Cabello)

Camila is an artist whose sudden success I just don’t understand. I just feel that compared to other pop artists, there’s really nothing unique or interesting about her. Even back when “Havana” was as popular as it was, I just thought it was okay (though if it wasn’t for Young Thug, I would’ve liked it a lot more). But after listening to this, I think I have a new respect for “Havana” because this is way worse.

Admittedly there’s really one major reason why I hate this song, but the rest of the song doesn’t help. I’ve never liked Camila as a performer and I hate how scratchy her voice is on the chorus. The production is alright but nothing interesting. This song wouldn’t be that high or even on the list at all if it wasn’t for her irritating falsetto on this track. I have no idea what the point of this is. I don’t know if she was trying to be sexy or make this track stand out, but I’m going to assume it’s the latter. Mission accomplished. This song is one of the worst vocal performances in 2018.

3: “No Brainer” (DJ Khaled feat. Quavo, Chance the Rapper, and Justin Bieber)

I like to think of this song as the cheap knockoff version of “I’m the One.” DJ Khaled has Justin Bieber handling the hook of the song with Quavo and Chance handling the verses on the song. The only thing that is missing is the Lil Wayne verse.

Justin is the only tolerable thing on this song. I say tolerable because it’s nothing special, he’s just kind of mediocre on this song. Going on to the rappers, this is one of the worst guest verses I’ve ever heard from both Quavo and Chance. The autotune on Quavos voice is absolutely horrid, with no sense of melody. Chance’s rapping sounds so passionless and his singing is obnoxious. The beat sounds incredibly tacky too and the chamber voices in the background tend to clash or overpower the performers. No Brainer is the perfect title for this song because this is an absolutely brainless copy-paste of an actually good song.

2: “Te Bote Remix” (Casper Magico, Nio Garcia, Darell, Nicky Jam, Ozuna & Bad Bunny)

I will admit the Latin pop is not my genre of expertise. It’s not even because I don’t know Spanish, but there’s something that just doesn’t click with me. Even if this was in English or a genre I can vibe with, this song would still be terrible.

The most glaring thing to note is that this song is a whopping 7 minutes long. Length of a song usually isn’t an issue for me as long as it’s substantial or has a fun or nice vibe. For example, “Rap God” by Eminem is 6 minutes long but is filled with clever punchlines and great rhyme schemes that makes the length not an issue. This song is not filled with anything other than how each person dumped the women in their life. Almost every performer on here sounds dreadful, which is disappointing, especially from Bad Bunny, who is normally a great performer. Combine that with an absolutely nothing beat, and this is one of the most drawn out and boring songs I’ve heard all year.

1: “I’m Upset” (Drake)

For me, this is pretty much all of the worst aspects of the songs beforehand all wrapped up in a little bow by Drake. Take the boring delivery from Plug Walk, the unlikable attitude from Friends, the uninteresting production of Te Bote, and the lack of flow from Yes Indeed and you’ve got I’m Upset.

I can’t find a single redeeming factor about this song. He has an even worse flow than Yes Indeed where he was closer to talking on that song. Here, he straight up sounds like he’s just talking. He sounds completely monotone on this track and the beat is more boring than him. The lyrics on this song make Drake unlikeable and lines like “can’t go 50-50 with no hoe” makes me want to stop listening. 2018 was the year of Drake, it just wasn’t all good.