Obama is actually antifreeze

In a shocking turn of events last night, local cultist group Cultspiracy Theory attempted to summon US President and Antichrist, Barack Obama, but confusingly came up with nothing but a bottle of antifreeze.

“I just don’t get it,” said Cultspiracy’s Grand Chancellor Lizara Nelson. “We all know Obama is the Antichrist. Yet, when we tried to cast the spell to summon the Antichrist himself, all we got was a half full bottle of antifreeze.”

All of members of Cultspiracy Theory have long known Obama to be the confirmed Antichrist. Group members reported having watched several poorly edited, multiple hour YouTube documentaries on the subject. These videos undisputedly put Obama as the one to challenge God by tricking large swaths of the population with his charisma, despite the fact that every member of Cultspiracy has hated him since the beginning.

“I know many people may be skeptical about Obama, being the antichrist,” Cultspiracy layman George Hakavazatka said. “After all, the Bible describes the Beast as a creature with seven heads and ten horns that comes out of the sea. My theory is Obama is just hiding all his extra heads in life support jars at Area 51.”

Some members of the cult, concerned by the bastardization of what should have been a routine conjuring spell, blamed Hakavazatka for saying a different spell.  Senior Cultsultant Lucy Fuhr discredited the idea that the wrong magic was cast.

“I heard Hakavazatka say ‘si monter vekline molenko saaah’ with my own ears,” Fuhr said. “That’s the correct spell for the antichrist. He couldn’t have possibly said the spell for summoning antifreeze, because that is ‘see venterer nenkto i sinkaaaar.’ I use that one during winter all the time. They just aren’t even close.”

After Fuhr’s confirmation, most members of Cultspiracy concluded that Obama may in fact be the Antifreeze, which some cult members found even more disturbing.

Still, other members remained unconvinced that Obama was the Antifreeze instead of the Antichrist.

The group concluded their meeting in their traditional ending ceremony of attempting to melt a steel beam with a BIC brand lighter.