Satire – Mexicans Burn Donald Trump

Every Easter, artisans in Mexico burn effigies of unpopular Mexican politicians in the annual “Burning of Judas” ritual, but this year they decided to change things up and set fire to Republican front runner Donald Trump.

According to the USA Today, Mr. Trump angered many people in Mexico when he painted illegal Mexican immigrants as “criminals, drug dealers, rapists,” along with other things that he said, such as making Mexico pay for a wall on its border.

This anger lead to artisans setting fire to Mr. Trump who was in Mexico City trying to score an eight-ball of coke.

“You see my problem is not they bring the stuff into the country,” Mr. Trump said, “I love cocaine, probably more than I love money. No, I don’t love anything more than money, but I really do love cocaine, and I’ve probably done more cocaine than anyone in history.”

Mr. Trump said that his problem was with the quality.

“When Mexico sends its cocaine, they aren’t sending their best stuff. They’re sending cocaine with a lot of baby powder, some I assume is good, but not all of it. By the time a kilo gets to New York City, it’s been cut into about a thousand,” Mr. Trump said, “and oh my God it’s expensive.” Mr. Trump went on, “I mean don’t get me wrong, I can afford it no problem, but you might as well be snorting baby powder at this point, and I’m not about to pay top dollar for a bag of f%@#&$g Johnson’s.”

Shortly after, Mr. Trump was set on fire by a group of artisans, and a small gang of children began beating him like a piñata. $20, $50, and $100 bills burst out of Mr. Trump with each strike. The Republican front runner was surrounded by about 80 other locals all of them snatching up hands full of cash and disappearing into the surrounding roads and allies.

Mr. Trump was transported to the hospital and is reported to be in stable condition, but he lost a lot of money in the beating and he is not expected to make a full recovery until mid-April.

“They got my money, but they didn’t get my coke.” Mr. Trump said, “I’ll just do a few lines, and I’ll make a full recovery by the first.” Mr. Trump went on, “Believe me when I say that nobody does cocaine like me.”