Connie Doors’ Secret Identity
It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s just Marshall’s own super hero, Connie Doors.
But behind the mask, who is this hero, who has doors strapped to her arms and legs, flapping them wildly in order to fly across the night skies of Marshall and preserve justice?
An independent investigation has revealed that Connie Doors secret identity may shockingly be SMSU’s own president, Dr. Connie Gores.
The investigative report suggests that after every day at the college, Dr. Gores puts on a mask, straps four doors onto her limbs and becomes Connie Doors.
“It has to be true.” SMSU Junior Laura Fresha said. “I saw her fly over my neighbor’s house while it was on fire and rescue a puppy. I would know those doors strapped to arms that function as wings anywhere. And it was definitely Dr. Gores behind the mask that night.”
The report, written by The Marshall Superhero Association, says that “while you would never guess it from names alone, Connie Gores is the secret identity of Marshalls’ most prominent super hero, Connie Doors.”
“I saw her personally dish out some justice to an on-campus party last week.” Public safety officer Brady Oblock said. “I smelled illegal substances and got into position, prepared to make a bust. But the students locked their door and my team and I were unable to gain access. Next thing I know, Connie Doors came along, ripped the locked door off by its hinges and added it to her superhero costume. She then personally handed out minors. It was awesome.”
The report accredits 216 heroic acts to Connie Doors in the last three years, ranging from infiltrating and personally taking down a smuggling ring to saving kittens from trees. Coincidentally, Connie Gores is serving her third year as president of SMSU, fitting within the potential time frame for the rise of Connie Doors.
The Marshall Superhero Association reports that there may be more heroes hidden within SMSU’s staff.
“It’s a ridiculous claim.” Dr. Dwight C. Watson, SMSU’s provost said as he slipped on a mask while walking out the door. “They think that President Gores is a superhero who wears doors. What’s next, thinking I’m Dr. Dwight C. Wattman, who shoots lightning bolts through the end of his tie at evil-doers? It’s as if that lightning rod at the top of the library feeds right into my office or something. It’s just a preposterous claim.”
At press time, Dr. Watson was seen applying a lightning bolt temporary tattoo and hooking up a small portable generator to his tie.