Reporting from their home Sunday, Feb. 20th, local grandparents Phillip and Margaret Nelsen allegedly discovered the internet.

“It’s wonderful!” Mrs. Nelsen said. “That young man came by, plugged in a bunch of new age wires to our wall and now I can order entire crates of prune juice right to my door!”

Mr. Nelsen was equally as enthusiastic about the access to the internet.

“It’s amazing,” Mr. Nelsen said. “There’s this thing called electronic mail, which is like regular mail, except it gets delivered instantly! To think how much money I’ve wasted on stamps.”

The couple next discovered Facebook, noting that it had their whole family, except themselves. The Nelsens figured the site creator must have just “missed them somehow.”

After the 2004 Dell computer restarted due to Mrs. Nelsen’s nonstop playing of “Bejeweled 2,” Mr. Nelsen discovered “The Google.”
     “Golly, just look at all this! Margaret, look!” Mr. Nelsen exclaimed. “You can ask it anything. It knows what state we live in and The Google knows all about the latest tractor models! Gosh darn it, lookit that, it can find our house!”
      In a whirl of excitement, the couple decided to call their kids to share the good news. Unsurprisingly, the Nelsen’s son, David Nelsen, already knew about the internet.

“I got an email titled ‘wE have FOUND THE INTARNET David’ and I figured Dad must have figured out how to get his old dinosaur of a computer online,” David Nelsen noted.

Unfortunately, the couple had to power down for the day after Mr. Nelsen discovered YouTube. While the grandparents initially had a good time laughing at a clip of a squirrel water skiing, Mr. Nelsen nearly had a heart attack when the unsuspecting couple accidentally found what Mr. Nelsen described as “the weirdest cotton pickin’ thing I’ve seen in my gosh darn life,” also known as “the weird side of YouTube.”

At press time, Mrs. Nelson declared that she “didn’t like the internet anymore” upon her discovery of the image sharing website 4-Chan.