It seemed like any normal day in the office as the newspaper was being cobbled together. But then News Editor Kevin Danielson turned to me and said something that sent me into a wrath.

“You listen to nothing but Rick Astley,” Danielson said.  “It kind of gets old.”

I could not believe what I was hearing.

“People love Rick Astley,” I replied.  “I bet I could write an article that was actually just a Rick Astley song and everyone would love it.”

That is when Danielson uttered the rage-inducing words:

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

If there’s anything you need, all you have to do is say.

You know you satisfy everything in me, we shouldn’t waste a single day.
So don’t stop me fallin’, it’s destiny calling, a power I just can’t deny.

It’s never changing, as you hear me, I’m saying,
“I want you for the rest of my life.”

Please just ignore that. I have no idea what that is or how it got into this article. 

As I was saying, Astley is a songwriting genius, and even though he’s a few decades past his prime, classics never get old.

Now, if I were theoretically attempting to fit a whole Rick Astley song into the paper to prove Kevin wrong this is probably where I would do the chorus.

Together forever and never to pass,

Together forever, we two.

And don’t you know I would move heaven and Earth, to be together forever with yoooou!

Something seems to be seriously awry with this computer today. Anyway, Kevin is wrong. Remember “Rickrolling?” From, like 2008? It was the meme that would not die. And it’s still relevant today. I can’t believe Kevin would ev—

If they ever get you down, there’s always something I can do.

Because I wouldn’t eveeer wanna see you frown,
I always do what’s best for you.

There ain’t no mistakin’, it’s true love we’re makin’.

Something to last for all timmme.

It’s never changing as you hear me, I’m sayin’

“I want you for the rest of my liffffe.”

Someone should probably call in tech repair. I have no idea what on earth this text is.

I know to some it might seem as if I’m typing in these lyrics simply to win a stupid bet, but I would never compromise my morals to—OH BOY, HERE COMES THE CHORUS AGAIN!

Together forever and never to pass,

Together forever, we two.

And don’t you know I would move heaven and Earth,

to be together forever with yoooou!

So don’t stop me fallin’, it’s destiny calling, a power I just can’t deny.

It’s never changing, as you hear me, I’m saying,
“I want you for the rest of my life.”

Uh… Excuse me. That was a coughing fit that somehow got on my keyboard and looks eerily similar to an 80’s pop song. I should take some Dayquil. Anyway, once this computer starts working again, I will find the time to prove Kevin wrong. Until then,

Together forever and never to pass,

Together forever, we two.

And don’t you know I would move heave and Earth,

to be together forever with YOOOOOOOU!