Of course, a few people have been breaking this rule, because the SMSU Fight Club has been gaining throngs of followers every week. Yes, that’s right, Marshall has its own little spin-off of the group made popular by the novel by Chuck Palanuik and the movie of the same name. Frustrated, depressed, or otherwise bored people have been gathering to beat the crap out of each other.

The location changes often to maintain secrecy, everywhere from the fifth floor of the library to the Drama Club’s black box.  SMSU’s higher ups have been scrambling to put a stop to this, and have all the custodians on the lookout, although rumor has it some of them are members.

Those naysayers out there call the SMSU Fight Club “brutish and juvenile,” but the track record speaks for itself.  Pacifists, geniuses, even a few CRU members are regular attendees, and don’t think twice about the violence.

Of course, there are some rules. Rule one: Don’t talk about fight club. Rule two: DON’T talk about fight club.  There’s a short list of rules, from those set down by Brad Pitt in the film, but some have been added.  Rule 12: No smack talk about mothers or girlfriends. Rule 17: No more inviting members of the Rugby team! (They’re intimidating.) Rule 26: No uploading videos of the fights to Youtube. The same goes for Instagram and Vine (Tweets are okay).

The leader of the group gives out weekly assignments to force the members to better the college community. Last week, someone was tasked with swapping people’s mail around in the dorms, and forcing them to meet each other. And if you’re wondering about the internet outages that pop up much too frequently, it might just be a saboteur’s way of getting you off your butt and outside.  Have a conversation with a Wal-Mart greeter. Get in a fight with the quiet lonely kid and lose, so he gets some confidence.

Remember, don’t talk about Fight Club. Just go out and find it.  Because it’s either that or sitting at your computer, stewing about how much debt you’re in and all the textbooks you have to read. Do the jobs you hate so you can buy your dollar cup-a-soups. Don’t be afraid to go up to a perfect stranger and say, “I want you to hit me as hard as you can.”