Extreme Pita has always been the most extreme restaurant in the food court. Despite its already most heinous reputation, the corporates at Aramark have decided the stand was due for “one hell of a make over.”
Due to recently slipping sales, Aramark’s local food court manager, Toocoo L. Forskoo, decided to rebrand the pita stand in order to make it more attractive to hip, young to students.
“I looked at the old stand, and it was like, totally lame, dude,” Forskoo shared. “It says ‘Extreme’ Pita. But is it really extreme? If pita is to stay relevant, we need to make it hipper than your average hipster.”
The stand’s sign was painted blots of random colors and had some firework launchers installed in the top to modernize the physical presentation of the stall. Pita also underwent many changes to the menu and employee requirements. One of the most notable new recipes was the the “Sandshark Special”, which is a regular club pita but with sandpaper instead of a pita shell. Other highlights were the “150 proof pita” and “ghost pepper only pita.”
The mandated changes in employee duties have greatly changed the workday for the workers. Between adjusting her neon aviators and skating back and forth between the fridge and stall, SMSU freshman Alyssa Dobie shared that the new requirements on the job were “Stupidly radical, man,” and that her day “Couldn’t get any more EXTREME!”
Customers have had an entirely positive reception of the makeover. After taking a bite into their new extra extreme pitas, most customers immediately sprout wings and become masters at guitar, or something equally as awesome.
“Man, this renovation went too smoothly, dude!” Forskoo said while simultaneously punching me in the ribs. “I just can’t get enough of this extreme! I think we’re gonna work on inventing a jetpack. That’s the only way to make us more radical right now.”
At press time, Forskoo was slamming his head into the food court wall, yelling to himself about how he just couldn’t get over how “flippin’ awesome, dude” his new restaurant was.